How Parent Counseling Can Help You Become a Better Parent as You Heal
It’s probably safe to say that few things matter more, or touch our hearts more profoundly, than being a parent.
Yet parenting is also one of the most difficult jobs we’ll ever have. As a father of three, now grown-up boys … I know!
Unfortunately, the only preparation most of us have for the incredibly important role of being a parent is our own childhood experience of how our parents raised us. But it’s not as if we had the objectivity or understanding as children to follow our parents around with a notebook recording their behaviors for posterity.
So most of us begin our roles as parents with little more than our own past experiences of being parented. And it’s largely these experiences that inform and shape our own behavior as parents, consciously and unconsciously, for better or worse.
As Dr. Dan Siegel, professor of clinical psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine said in his book Parenting from the Inside Out:
“… history often repeats itself and parents are vulnerable to passing on to their children unhealthy patterns from the past. Understanding our lives can free us from the otherwise predictable situation in which we recreate the damage to our children that was done to us in our own childhoods.”
In other words, unless we resolve our own issues, even the most devoted parents are likely to unconsciously pass their childhood issues and wounds on to their own children.
And having worked with and helped countless adolescents, teens, parents, and families over the years, I can comfortably say that, as much as our children can set us off and trigger our emotions as they assert their independence, those emotional triggers are our own.
And when we’re triggered, we tend to overreact, which then leads our child to overreact, and the arguments begin again.
So, while there are definitely times when our children need professional help, the only person we can truly change is our self. And, as often as not, it’s us, the parents, who could benefit from some professional help.
Parenting Counseling: Getting the Help You Need and Deserve
No matter what age they are, no matter what your adolescent or teen may say, our children want to feel seen, heard, and understood. And they want to know what we, as parents, think and feel.
But in order to fulfill these needs, WE need to know what we think and feel. And we need to be able to express our thoughts and feelings in ways our children can understand.
Of course, this can take some work.
The good news is that being parents gives us an opportunity and a reason to work on and heal ourselves, both for our own sake and for the sake of our children.
And this is precisely what parent counseling and therapy can help you do!
As a board certified psychiatrist and father of three boys, I’ve put a lot of time, thought, and energy into how I’ve raised my own children, and I’ve been helping individual mothers and fathers with parenting-related issues for the past three decades. And, as I mentioned above, most of the issues we face as parents are OUR issues.
Don’t get me wrong … I’m not saying kids don’t push boundaries and buttons.
However, as you’re likely aware, the behaviors that bother some parents are greeted by others parents calmly, if not with endearment.
So when you feel your “emotional buttons” being pushed, that’s a perfect opportunity for us to look at why you have those “buttons” – those issues – in the first place, as well as do the work necessary to heal them, so you can be less reactive, listen more attentively and effectively, and resolve situations when they arise instead of letting them get out of control.
We’ll also work together to help you experience and learn the skills you need to self-soothe, alleviate your anxiety and stress, regulate your emotions, and better trust your child and yourself, so you can listen and respond to your children rather than immediately reacting, jumping to conclusions, or being overly intrusive.
The parenting counseling services I provide can also help you:
- Better understand your child’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors;
- Learn to set and maintain healthy limits and boundaries;
- Navigate childhood mental health disorders, such as anxiety, depression, and ADHD;
- Understand how your own thoughts and behaviors affect your relationships with other family members;
- Review and receive objective feedback on your parenting experiences;
- Not take it personally when your child doesn’t want to spend time with you, and truly enjoy the time your child and you do have together;
- … And a whole lot more!
And because we can only truly take care of other people when we know how to take care of ourselves, we’ll also make sure you’re doing just that: meeting your own emotional needs, so you can be a healthy role model for your child, as well as parent as effectively as possible.
If this all sounds like a lot, don’t worry. You don’t need to do and be it all.
No parent is perfect, and our children don’t need us to be.
The most important thing is your willingness to be compassionate and curious about how your child thinks, feels, and behaves, as well as how you do, too.
Remember, whether your child is an infant, an adolescent, or getting close to leaving the nest, it’s never too late to work on your own healing and become a better role model and more effective parent.
So, ask yourself, “What do I want my relationship with my son or daughter to look like 10 years from now?”
That future relationship will likely be a whole lot brighter if you’re curious and willing to learn more about who you are as a parent, and do the work necessary to heal any emotional wounds from your own past. And that’s precisely what I can help you do!
I encourage you to contact me, today, schedule an appointment, and ask any questions you have about the parent counseling services I provide. I look forward to speaking with you and helping your child and you create a relationship and life you truly love.